While I was I was away at Remnant Conference last week I listened to a message by Pastor Larry Stockstill on the family and he touched on marriage and children. It was good for me to hear him share some personal stories of both victory and challenges that he has faced in both of these areas. None of us are perfect and like he said, there are times we need to hear a person's prayer request as much as we need to hear their praise report.

I especially enjoyed listening to his remarks in the area of child raising. While two of mine are in the early stages of their adult years, I still have one (Kalyn) who is in the middle of her teenage years and that means I still have some more of my job as a parent to perform. I was encouraged as I listened to find out that a lot of what we do in our household is not only on target, but highly recommended by Pastor Larry. He too, has been blessed by a household of children who love and serve the Lord. That's not to say there haven't been challenges. Hey...we're talking about kids! But there really are things we can do when it comes to guiding, directing, correcting, and affirming our kids to give them the best chances possible of a great future in the center of God's Will.

Parents tend to think that children are given by God in sort of a capricious manner where some get "good ones" and others get "tough ones". The Bible tells us that we are to "Train a child up in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it". The key word is TRAIN. Notice it did not say we are to simply "pray for a compliant one". I believe prayer works and is crucial in child rearing, but truth is that parents need to get on with the training aspect. I have said this a thousand times and will say it again that Tracie has been the best and deserves the majority of the credit for the blessing my kids have been to us. Did she pray...YES; but boy did she train as well! Let me suggest some things for all the parents out there who want to be better trainers:

1. ATTENTION- Each child should get at least 15 minutes a day of attention. Doesn't sound like a lot does it? Did you know that the national average is like a minute?! Kids need your attention and if you don't find ways of giving them positive attention, they will do things to get your negative attention.

2. DISCIPLINE- Kids need to know their boundaries and the consequences for breaking those boundaries. The problem is that most parents are more merciful than God. The Lord established the law of sowing and reaping which was meant to help us understand that there are consequences to our bad behavior. Many parents interrupt this law by becoming their children's "bail out plan" whenever they need to feel a consequence. Kids need to hear the word "no" from you, because they will certainly hear it from police, bosses, judges, teachers, and others. As parents we are raising them to be PLEASING TO GOD.

3. HABITS- Your kids need habits to be successful. Try some things like...chores, punctuality, manners, time management, respect ("yes mam, no sir"), and a sense of order in their life. Do you make them pick up toys at home or at a guests house? Do you make them sit still at home and when you eat out? I made (and make) my kids go to school (even if they have a sniffle), go to church (because that is more important than school), be on time, get up with a good attitude, help when it is cleaning day, learn how to wash dishes and put dishes in dishwasher, take out trash, etc. You are training them for their spouse one day and they will appreciate you handing them off prepared so they won't have to spend thousands in counseling. Their future employers will appreciate you teaching them a work ethic as well, as that will position them for promotion.

4. FRIENDS- Monitor their friends!!! Even their Christian ones! We even go so far as to monitor their dates and potential spouses. Do you really think a teenager or young adult has the relational skills necessary to not need some help in this area? I am shocked by the people some parents let their kids hang around. There is an appropriate place for our kids to reach out to other kids who need Jesus, but you need to be sure you monitor it so you can control who is the influence over whom!

5. AFFECTION- Have you hugged your kids today? Dads, be sure you are the #1 guy in your daughter's life and she won't have to find affection elsewhere.

6. FAIRNESS- Be consistent and fair in your discipline and correction. Let the time fit the crime. Don't give the "death penalty" (joking) over a misdemeanor offense.

The Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord. I know that mine are definitely that and more. However, that blessing took a lot of work and attention. I encourage you to not give up and keep in the hunt with regards to training. The promise is that one day, there will be a payoff.

PLANTING A CROSS

Pastor